Two Drug Miracles

Reb Yeshua of Nazareth:
Miracle worker, purported Messiah

And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there. And both Jesus (Reb Yeshua) was invited, and his disciples, to the wedding. And the wine having run short, the mother of Jesus said unto him: "Son, they have no wine." Jesus said unto her: "What wouldst thou have me do, woman? Mine hour is not yet come."

His mother said to the servants: "Whatsoever he tells you, do it." And there were set out six waterpots of stone, after the Jewish manner of purification, containing two or three firkins apiece. Jesus said unto them: "Fill the waterpots with water." And they filled them to the brim. Then he said to them: "Draw out now and take to the chief steward of the feast." And they did so. When the chief steward had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it came (but the servants who drew the water knew) he called the bridegroom and praised him saying: "Every man at the beginning sets forth his good wine and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse, but thou hast kept the good wine until now."

As Jesus was preparing to rejoin his disciples, he saw the steward again conversing anxiously with his mother. As she approached him, he said unto her: "What is it now, woman?" And she whispered unto him so that no other could hear: "Son, they have run out of hashish."

So Jesus again called the servants and caused them to gather dung into baskets from beneath the camels of the guests. He told them to bear these baskets of dung which held 2 or 3 firkins each unto the chief steward of the feast. When he had inhaled just one measure of the hashish which had been dung, the steward exclaimed: "This is truly fine shit, Son of Man, such as the Lebanese merchants keep for themselves, or sell to kings." And Jesus said unto the chief steward: "Friend, when thou gettest high, thou shouldst use none but the finest, for thy mind is a terrible thing to waste."