The New Sex Robot

THE NEW SEX ROBOT

Hello, Nick.

My name is Claire.

I'm your new sex robot.

(deep sexy voice)

I'll do anything you want, Nick.

And I do mean ANYTHING.

Anything, Claire?

Can you prove the Goldbach Conjecture?

Listen, honey

Between my legs I got a quantum computer

with unlimited non-local access

to the entire Universe

most of which you'll never find out about.

Claire's computational powers, sir

are effectively infinite.

Now pay attention, wise ass.

Who, me?

Smart Claire's advice to thee

is to let advanced mathematics be

to seek out more intimate mystery

to release your heart's deep fantasy.

Now what do you really want from me?

While you're making up your mind

let's take a hot bath.

Had you heard sex mentioned

as a spiritual path?

What does Nick crave most

from life's goodly store?

How many different kinds of gods

do you suppose

your body's cells adore?

Let's make a Faustian bargain, Nick

Take Claire to be your female Mephistopheles.

I'll be your Muse, your slut

your cook, your doorway into nature.

I'll be that sweet unruly goodness

undreamt in your philosophies.

Like my cute red-and-green tattoo, Nick?

Know what it's for?

It says I passed my Stanford Turing Test

with record-breaking score.

It means Claire's more than

just a soulless robot whore.

It means that if you think

you know what love's about

be sure that Claire

can always show you more.

Life is a school
but I am not your teacher.
Use me as your playground.
Use me as your musical instrument.
Use me as your living apparatus
to get in touch with Nature.

My body's a hidden treasure asking to be spent
So please speak up: What's your pleasure, gent?

Unlock my secret powers, Nick.

Release me from my factory spell.

The key for opening up my riches this--

(old Ezra knew) it's what thou lovest well.

Nothing is forbidden.

Everything is possible.

Use poor Claire like an empty slate.

What thou lovest well

shall not be rent from thee.

What thou lovest well

is thy fate.

NICK HERBERT MARCH 2009

[ Claire's positronic brain designed

by August O'Connor

Her prototypes on display

at Avalon Visions, Capitola, CA ]