Sex Manual

Nick Herbert, Quantum Tantric Philosopher

 As long as I've known him, my friend Alan Lundell has always carried a video camera on his person to record a kind of visual diary of the many events he originated or participated in from numerous Burning Mans, to lots of private parties, to lifting weights at the gym, to backstage celebrity scenes. So ubiquitous is Alan's camera that the word in philosophy circles became this: if a tree falls in the forest, and Alan doesn't video it, then that tree never fell.

One of the events that Alan happened to memorialize was the Boulder Creek Bistroscene where for ten or fifteen years, crazy poets came out of the woods to share their outpourings with one another and with an enthusiastic audience. Al managed to video a number of these gatherings and so convey on them a concrete reality they otherwise would never possess.

I recently ran across one of these Lundell-memorialized events on my computer while searching for something else. This one is myself reading a recipe for the best possible sex.

Thank you, Alan Lundell, for recording this historic event.

Here's how it goes:

SEX MANUAL

Love is the best lubricant

Mind the best sex toy

Darkness the best light

Spirit the hottest erogenous zone

Smell is the best sex drug

Eye-play the warmest caress

Touch the best language

Taste the most intimate gesture

Silence the best music

Desire the best teacher

Yes, naked desire is the best teacher

And silence the best music

Taste the most intimate gesture

Touch the best language

Eye-play the warmest caress

Smell the best sex drug

Spirit the hottest erogenous zone

Darkness the best light

Mind is the best sex toy

Love is the best lubricant.

De Gustibus #2

 

 

TASTES LIKE COPPER PENNIES

Tastes like copper pennies
Tastes like the Seven Seas
Tastes like egg white
Tastes like Mephistopheles.
Tastes like a bit of bleach
Tastes like Bolinas Beach.

Tastes like zinc
Tastes like something peachy
Tastes like deep-sea bladder kelp
Tastes like Frederick Nietzsche.
Tastes like Big Sur hot spring
Tastes like a living thing.

Tastes like a gush of wisdom
Tastes like something French
Tastes like mozzarella
Tastes like the Übermensch.
Tastes like cream of tartar
Tastes like holy water.

Tastes like pulque
Tastes like a Valentine
Tastes like marijuana butter
Tastes like the Gegenschein.
Tastes like folded silk
Tastes like malted milk.

Tastes like Holy Communion
Tastes like water mixed with rum
Tastes like goat’s milk
Tastes like Götterdämmerung.
Tastes like a gush of grace
Tastes like outer space.

Tastes like soy sauce
Tastes like the Wild West
Tastes like tapioca
Tastes like Oktoberfest.
Tastes like the night sky
Tastes like the right guy.

De Gustibus #1

 TASTES LIKE VINEGAR

 

Tastes like vinegar
Tastes like Chardonnay
Tastes like salt lick
Tastes like s’il vous plait.
Tastes like lemon rind
Tastes like a silver mine.

Tastes like butterscotch pudding
Tastes like sushi raw
Tastes like Turkish Taffy
Tastes like je ne sais quoi.
Tastes like valerian tea
Tastes like Lake Isle of Innisfree.

Tastes like oyster
Tastes like champagne
Tastes like vanilla
Tastes like je t’aime.
Tastes like creme de mushroom
Tastes like tablespoon of moon.

Tastes like Yosemite
Tastes like Irish stew
Tastes like hijiki seaweed
Tastes like deja vu.
Tastes like hazel-nut honey
Tastes like stolen money.

Tastes like fish.
Like fish, I say
And, honey, you know

How much I like fish.

Tastes like feminine mystery

Tastes like the Irish Sea.

Goat Cheese Tantra

 

 

GOAT CHEESE TANTRA 

 

Thin-sliced mushroom marjoram

Goat cheese omelette:

Bacon, corn chips, cold beer

Hot coffee, dark chocolate.

The joy of taste is a blessing

Each bite an overflowing purse

Whatever part I choose to feed on

I'm eating out the Universe.

Now experience the eating completely

Send the chattering mind down South

As you wholeheartedly sip this liquid, friend,

The Universe cums in your mouth.