Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Shri Nick Predicts: 2014

Shri Nick Predicts: 2014

As we approach the Longest Night of the Year, it is customary for pundits, psychics and raving lunatics to formulate predictions that might guide our actions in the coming New Year. Here direct from the Quantum Tantric Ashram in Boulder Creek are Shri Nick Herbert's hopes and insights concerning events likely to occur in the coming year. Adjust your investment portfolio accordingly.

1. Apple Computer will introduce two new upgrades of system OS X--Domestic Cat and Street Cat which will continue to steal market share from Windows.

2. As physicists unanimously recognize its deep kinship with the mystical Slavic soul, Dark Matter will henceforth be known as Ukrainium.

3. For his imaginative Schopenhaurer-inspired performance of Urge: a Short Opera About Reality, Nick Herbert will be awarded a special Oscar for "the best metamusical of 2014".

4. Scott Hulan Jones's film Supernature: Esalen and the Human Potential is released in 2014 and subsequently breaks all box office records as the Year's Most Popular Documentary.

5. Peace is achieved in the Middle East following implementation of Doctor Jabir's two-state solution. For his essential role in these negotiations, President Obama shares his second Nobel Peace Prize with Jabir abd al Khaliq.

6. The Periodic Table gains several new members--fractionally charged elements collectively known as  "Inbetweenia."

7. Alien starships fail to make an appearance. The reason? All really smart aliens travel from mind to mind. Aliens call Earth "Planet of the Hates". And who would wish telepathic contact with a world of whiners?

8. The Best Book of the Year is Michael Muhammad Knight's "Tripping With Allah", a roller-coaster ride through the illuminated mosque-mind of "the Hunter S. Thompson of Islam". Thanks, Max.

9. An accidental discovery in a remote part of the world gives us the first hint of a breakthru into the universe of quantum tantra--a brand new way of interacting with Nature more intimate than physics. Magicians, illusionists, and makers of gold from common stuff proliferate. New and exciting forms of union are experienced daily. The human world is changed forever--in a direction no one had ever guessed to exist, tho Jabir's Epistle to the Greeks caught a tiny corner of it.

10. Sales of "Harlot Nature" soar as people seek to understand and participate in the Grand Opening Night of the human species.


Wes Hansen said...

Google's fixing to drop a new version of 'droid called "Schrodinger's Cat" ( and Jun Po Denis Kelley had an experience similar to that of Prof. Spiegelberg ( . .

Last Friday I found a dead gentleman under a bridge about a mile from my house; he looked a bit like Street Cat but his pants were down around his ankles and his shirt was up over his head. I didn't realize he was dead at first; I just thought he was drunk. I hollered at him and whistled and when he didn't respond I walked up, squatted down, and poked him in the shoulder with two fingers while saying, "Hey buddy!" As soon as I poked him I saw that his shirt, where it covered his head, was all caked in blood. Sure enough, he was a homicide (I live in Greenspoint which is called Gunspoint on the street).

So yeah, I got to speak to the police. You know, speaking of psi phenomena, I've been practicing pranayama for a good bit, and when you find something like that - a violent ending - it just contaminates you regardless. It's just negative energy you know? I can't imagine how these homicide detectives deal with it over and over; I think I would quickly become cynical if not outright nihilistic . . .

Anyway, the psychiatrist can prescribe medication to the lunatic mob but that doesn't mean the lunatic mob need take said medication!

J said...

2014 is bitcoin year, bitcoin and all it's friends come out to play, and there will be controversy and gnaching of teeth.

Check it out, sir

In fact, I'd rather like to buy one of your books with bitcoin - but where ?

J said...

Gnashing. I don't know what gnaching is yet. Meh.